Your Story: Duncan Ferguson
Trigger Warning: The below content touches on mature subjects, including depression and suicidal thoughts and may not be appropriate for all audiences.
Editor's Note: We were so inspired by everyone sharing their stories of how quidditch made a positive impact on their lives on Facebook that we would like to publish your story. Simply send an email to editorial@internationalquidditch.org telling us how quidditch has made a difference for you, and we may publish it on the IQA website. These stories are posted as received, except for spelling and grammatical changes
Photo by Michael E. Mason/IQA Staff.
I'm sending this e-mail in response to the Facebook post saying to send a story about how quidditch affected my life. My name is Duncan Ferguson, LSU Seeker, and here is my story.
I don't normally open up about my inner self, but quidditch has taught me how to be open, less shy, and to be positive.
Growing up I never really had friends. I was the "cry-baby" of the school, the kid no one wanted to hang out with because they would get made fun of. It wasn't until about 5th grade that I got a few friends. But we all know the number of friends you have is irrelevant to what is in that friendship. In junior high, students and teachers alike did not want anything to do with me or my brother. The administration never wanted to punish anyone that bullied us, and students looked at us like we were freaks. To this day I don't exactly know why. Maybe I was just "that one unlucky kid," or a "just because" situation.
It was to the point that even when I broke my ankle, people didn't help me because they felt sorry for me or because they were friendly; they helped because that meant they could get out of class early, or they could be late to class because they were helping "the cripple." It's amazing how two-faced people can be at such a young age, and continue to be that way for decades.
I also started dating in junior high. I never cared at the time, but the girls I dated were typically outcasts like myself. Even though I'm a guy, I've always been very sensitive, so breakups were never very good for me. I've had about 10 or so girlfriends in my life, and people tease me, saying I must have been a "player" or a bad boyfriend. That's not the case at all. Nearly all of the girlfriends I had broke up with me with a cliché reason: "I see you too much like a brother," "my parents said I can't have a boyfriend," or "I just want to be friends." I believed it all at first, until of course I found out they all went on to date other guys a couple days later. A few even cheated on me. My young sheltered mind could not wrap itself around the concept of cheating or lying -- it didn't make sense to me. I could not understand why people would do such hurtful things.
High school was worse; people were uncaring, selfish, and cruel. Wrestling team was relentless because coaches and athletes alike hazed. Girls lied and cheated. "Friends" were selfish, two-faced. Depression worsened. Eventually I ran away from home in attempt to starve to death. But I was woken up late at night by a kick in the side from a sheriff who then proceeded to handcuff me and bring me to his car. He identified me as the runaway, and told me that I should shoot myself next time instead of wasting his time by making him look for me.
Throughout high school I continued to deal with major depression, trying to find ways to help myself. High school did get better; athletes started to respect me more, coaches became friendly, and the administration liked me (administration probably liked me because I stopped fights). Graduating high school, to this day, I have to deal with people's petty nonsense, two-faced people, people that only deal with me because they benefit from something I do, etc. I just wanted life to get easier, but couldn't take all the crap. A second suicide attempt and fail made me realize just exactly how precious life is. I'm here for a reason. Whatever the reason, I'll find out eventually. I still deal with major depression; some days I'm happy and cheerful like I was as a child. Most days I truly feel like death itself. But I know suicide is not the answer; I just have to keep moving along (just keep swimming, just keep swimming...).
Fortunately, quidditch and the quidditch community has helped me completely. I made some friends on the LSU team (though, some of us don't agree on certain things), and made many friends from many other teams. You all are some of the friendliest, most fun people I've ever met. Some days I just feel like complete crap, but I get online and see certain posts or statuses from you all and you bring a smile to my face. I can say that the quidditch community is my family. We laugh, we cry, and we fight all together. I can say with confidence that I wouldn't be here today without quidditch. Quidditch has taught me how to be social; I'm no longer shy or quiet. I'm loud, positive, and friendly. I am working through my depression because of the sport and the people. I'm glad I'm part of this community. And that's saying something; I've only been playing for a year. I hope to continue to play quidditch for a very long time, and I hope that the community always stays so positive and fun.
Photo courtesy of Quidditch Trading Cards.
